well you can't waste a boner
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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