apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize