addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
