You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
