I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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