i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
