I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
