I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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