...so i touched it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
