oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
