I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
