I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
