Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
