giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize