I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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