Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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