i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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