yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
