in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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