i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
