ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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