Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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