You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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