Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
