guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
