Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
