We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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