went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
