tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
