You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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