Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
