EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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