I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
