you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
