I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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