I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
