meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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