At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize