I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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