Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
