did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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