I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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