you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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