guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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