well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
