it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
