Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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