I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
