you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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