he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
