I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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