Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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