We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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