I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
