You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
