I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
