So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
