apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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