can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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