Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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