i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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