I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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