Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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