it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
