He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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