I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
try to milk me bitch
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