About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
