I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You brought string cheese to the strip club
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
