Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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