New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
