Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize