it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
