We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
