Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize