Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
