shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you will always have a special place in my vag
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Randomize
