I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
