that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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