Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
